Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Insecurity in Dreams?


It's time for the March meeting of the Insecure Writer's Support Group and, as always, I want to send a huge thank you to Alex J. Cavanaugh for hosting the group. If you haven't already checked out Alex's new book, CassaFire, I highly recommend it.

The timing of this month's group couldn't be better for me, as I've been really struggling with my own personal insecurity hag while working on editing and revising the first draft of my WIP. It's not enough that the hag has disrupted my waking hours, she has now even invaded my dreams.

Recently I had a dream where I was at my sister's house, and she had just read my first draft. She sat down on her couch with a very serious expression and told me that she was sorry, but my story was the worst thing she'd ever read and it was all she could do to stay awake reading it. I was taken aback and told her she didn't have to be quite so harsh, and she said she felt she had to be brutally honest so I accepted my failures and didn't humiliate myself any further. She kept going on that I needed to just stop right now and be done with it. Basically, she was Simon Cowell, and I was a pitiful tone-deaf singer struggling through an audition.

My sister was offended by the dream, as she wondered why I would turn her into such a nasty hag in my subconscious. It was actually a bit funny, as my sister has always been very supportive and one of my biggest cheerleaders, and even if she didn't like my work I know she would never cut me down like she did in this dream.

But the dream was obviously a representation of the anxiety I have been struggling with since starting on my revisions. Have you ever had your insecurity take over your dreams? I can't deny I hope this is one dream I won't have again.

At any rate, I'm trying to shut out the insecurities both when I'm awake and when I'm asleep and just continue on with the writing.

To that end, I don't think I'll be blogging for the rest of the month, as I really want to focus on my revisions and see if I can come up with a second draft that works for me. I also need to start writing my posts for the A-Z Challenge. I've had my topics in mind since January and planned to get everything started back then but, as is my habit, I've managed to put everything off until the last minute again. So I think I am going to step back from blogging for the rest of March and come back strong for the Challenge.





Speaking of, if you haven't signed up for the A-Z in April Challenge yet, I can't recommend it enough! I can say without hesitation that signing up for last year's Challenge was the best blogging decision I've made. Check out the A-Z site for all the details and sign-up info.

Thanks again to Alex for hosting today's group, and I hope everyone is coming out on the winning end of your battles with insecurity.

28 comments:

  1. A great interesting post. I hope you get your work completed,
    I have done my A to Z......done it at Christmas after I came home from my daughters'
    Take care.
    Yvonne.

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  2. Ha! I'm generally insecure waking, sleeping, dreaming or whatever. BUT maybe that 'dream meaning' is like when you dreamed you died it's really supposed to mean something good. So maybe your sisters dislike was really a premonition of how good your work is. At least you could take it that way, and go merrily along.

    Good luck. See you next month at A to Z.

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  3. Hang in there, Julie. Don't let the insecurity get the best of you. I know, easy to say, much harder to do. I've been there. (In fact, I'm there right now. Heck, I'm there pretty much all the time!) :)

    I better get going on my A-Z posts, too! Yikes! April will be here before we know it.

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  4. I don't know if you have a supportive critique partner. Mine points out the good stuff about my writing, which keeps the nightmares away. Good luck getting the revisions done!

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  5. Aww! What a terrible dream! I've had a few like that, although I'm much more creeped out by my most recent one involving a scorpion in the house. Yeah, I don't know what that means. *laughs*

    Good luck with your revisions. Hang in there!

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  6. New follower from IWSG. Don't worry, I get taking time off to ramp up for the challenge. I have it coming as well. Tell your sister not to worry. One form of dream therapy has you putting yourself in each element of the dream so she was just a representation of your fears. Could even be a compliment that you let her in that close. That stinks when it comes at you at night though. Nice post.

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  7. Wow, Julie, powerful post. Glad you are taking some time to focus. Those negative thoughts and feelings and dreams are so hard to let go of, but we must.
    Karen

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  8. Dreams? Oh yes! The good thing about them is they are rarely, if ever, true :) Keep on keeping on, Julie x

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  9. Wow, it sounds like your subconscious is having a fun time at your sister's expense ;) The thing about subconsciouses (is tha the plural?) is they are really good at exploiting our fears.

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  10. I reckon you're just dreaming about what would hurt your belief in yourself the most. If your sister is your biggest supporter, to have her lose her faith in you would be huge. She probably represents every editor, publisher and reader that you're afraid will hate what you write. Dreams have a way of making us face our fears and acknowledge our hopes. You were just subconsiously preparing yourself for the worst!

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  11. Oh, Julie, you are in deep. Some of that anxiety is probably good though. I can see it pushing you to work hard at your revisions. But don't let it stress you out to the point you start second guessing everything. Remember your original vision for your story and keep at it. No one ever said writing was easy. And rewriting is even harder.

    Loved your story. We'll catch up again during the A to Z. :))

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  12. Julie, Even my silly blog takes over my dreams at times, so I can just imagine the stress you're under when writing a book! I know Polar Night will be a huge success, and you're wise to take some time off to continue working on it, as well as A to Z. Maybe I'll follow your lead, and just do one more post for March, so I can start working my way through the alphabet! Like your sister, I'll be cheering for you too! Julie

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  13. @Yvonne, I'm impressed that you have all your posts done already, I am always waiting until the last minute! Thanks and you take care as well.

    @farawayeyes, oh, I like that way of looking at the dream, thanks! Looking forward to your A-Z posts. :0

    @Madeline, I know, I can't believe it's almost April already, I had such good intentions! Thanks so much, I'm sorry you are struggling with insecurity now as well.

    @Tonja, I do think I need to find a crit partner. Thanks for the suggestions and good luck wishes!

    @Cherie, LOL, I would be terrified of the scorpion dream as well, yikes! Thanks!

    @Nancy, hello, so nice to meet you! That's interesting about the dream therapy, I'd never heard that before. I will let my sister know LOL.

    @Karen, I know, it is always easier to say than to do, but I definitely need to let go of them. Thanks so much.

    @Carolyn, good point, thanks! :D

    @Johanna, yeah, my poor sister. She's really not a hag at all LOL. Good point too, thanks!

    @LindaK, that's a really good point, it would hurt terribly if my sister really acted this way. I've always thought dreams were very interesting, just not this one LOL.

    @LG, thanks! It's funny, after I wrote out this post I did dive in and make some great progress on my research for my revisions, so maybe it was helpful to just let it out. And that's a good point about using the anxiety to push myself harder, thanks!

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  14. @Julie, thanks so much, you always say such nice things! I hope you will be successful in getting your A-Z posts done as well, or at least I hope we can both move beyond the letter A LOL.

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  15. Oh my goodness those tone deaf singers...anyways I'm sure the stress of the whole process can be pretty overwhelming at times. It was bound to come out in a dream. Best of luck to you!

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  16. @Samantha, LOL, I never understand those terrible singers, how can they actually think they can sing? I am tone deaf and know it LOL. Thanks for the good luck wishes!

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  17. Maybe it really was Simon?
    Take a break, finish those revisions, and then be ready for the Challenge!

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  18. Ouch! I'm so glad all the drama was only a dream. I know what you mean about blogging breaks - I'm going to be taking one before too much longer. I need it bad.

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  19. I think I've only done 3 AtoZ so far, and I have no posts ready for tomorrow or Friday yet. Gah.

    I edit in my sleep sometimes. The dream will be going on, and I'll tell it to stop to change words and put in commas. lol It drives me crazy.

    Best on your revisions, Julie.

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  20. @Alex, LOL maybe it was Simon in disguise. I'm really looking forward to the Challenge!

    @Carol, yeah, sometimes you do need a break, no question. I hope you enjoy yours!

    @Mary, LOL, I haven't edited my dreams yet but that would be funny. For me I have a terrible habit of using commas too often so I'd be taking them out. Thanks!

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  21. The dream is far easier to handle than reality. Take a break, it helps and I have only 10 posts drafted not finished and may discard some in the end.

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  22. @Rek, very true, I can always wake up from a dream! Good luck with your A-Z posts, I will look forward to reading them. :)

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  23. Hi Julie .. thank goodness I don't have dreams like that!! I don't have a sister - that must help!!

    Good luck with your WIP and the posts for the A - Z .. creeping up on us!! Cheers and see you then .. Hilary

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  24. @Hilary, LOL, I definitely hope I won't have any more dreams like this one. Thanks so much and best of luck to you with the A-Z as well, I know it will be a lot of fun. :)

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  25. hopefully you wont dream it again since you told it and addressed it!

    happy revisions!

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  26. I just signed up for the challenge. I couldn't stand missing out on the fun. :)

    See you in April!

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  27. @Michelle, oh, that's great you signed up! I will look forward to your posts. I'm really looking forward to getting back to blogging with the Challenge. :)

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Thank you for your comments!